she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
