My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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