Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
