It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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