I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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