Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
