do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
