no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
do herpes really smell.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize