We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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