i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
