I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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