she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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