His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
