Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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