I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
