I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
