Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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