well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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