2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
