At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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