You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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