I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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