I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
