Where did you get a picture of my penis
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize