Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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