Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
