remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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