Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk is not a location!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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