What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
