my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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