Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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