Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
