I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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