God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
