I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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