I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
