i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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