Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
