ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
