the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
