Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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