im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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