don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
