There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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