my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
