Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
