I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize