how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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