im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I love you. Go after that dick
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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