i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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