i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
