This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
