I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
