life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
