Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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