He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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