i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
