boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
