She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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