I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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