I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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