For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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