So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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