I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just googled if crying burns calories
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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