Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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