Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
