they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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