pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize