i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
