i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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