my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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