I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize