she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
