the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
