Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
