My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize