My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize