Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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