i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
