the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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