I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Randomize
