tonight lets celebrate not being married
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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