Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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