apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
