How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
