Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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