To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
