if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My penis needs a shock collar
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
