My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
