Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
