We won't sleep together?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw a hot homeless man
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
