Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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