Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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