If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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