omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
