Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
