he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
