How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
