Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
