good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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