I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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