Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
