My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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