margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize