My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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