he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
