i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
