i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
