carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Randomize
