Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you never un-have a 4some
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
