she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
