i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
