I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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