OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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