I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
