My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
